K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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