I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
