pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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