Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
