i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
