can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
