I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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