I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you didnt know i had herpes?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
