obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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