i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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