i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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