You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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