i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
