so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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