Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
