Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
