My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
People in love make me want to vomit
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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