took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
