Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
