dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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