wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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