to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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