You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
