They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
