ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
