I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
