i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
