Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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