Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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