We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
