Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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