my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
