Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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