Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
