I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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