Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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