i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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