What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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