clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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