I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish you could order shots online.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
