ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
