that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
