I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
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The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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