So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
