i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
ttyl tear gas
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
