if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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