Moan for me like Helen Keller
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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