we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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