I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
