i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
