Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
