1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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