The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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