I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
