Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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