i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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