Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
