do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
