i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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