Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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