I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
