You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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