so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
