i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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