The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
