why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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