Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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